Vanished
by Nise Tucker
Summary: I had picked a name. It was going to be Selena Carlene Manoso.
1. Chapter 1

**Vanished**

By Nise

I had picked a name. It was going to be Selena Carlene Manoso.

Naming her made it real for me. After I had a name, I had a face. I had a smile, I had a baby.

_'I had a baby.' _

I never wanted one, I never wanted her, but then I had her.

_'I had a baby.'_

I wanted her to look like her father. At least then she would know a piece of him. I would tell her all about him, my Batman who saved me from everything and one day would save her too, if I ever told him.

I wanted to say so many things to her. I was going to be everything my mother wasnt and everything I wish she had been. I was going to show her everything I always wanted to see and anything she wanted to see. I just had to wait to see what it was. I just had to wait to see her eyes and hear her cries and everything would really be real, like her name and her face and her being.

I heard her cries at night sometimes and Id wander to her room, the room I made for her, pink it was. But she was never there, not yet anyway. Soon.

I just wanted time to speed up, like my heart did at the thoughts of her, Selena. Maybe that's why I was speeding.

_'I had a baby.' _

"Babe?"

I was in a hospital I knew. He hadn't slept in days as far as I could tell. Not since the last time I woke up and saw him. His eyes, at the time, all I saw were her eyes.

"I had a baby." I whispered.

Selena Carlene Manoso would have been my baby.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hey everyone. Thanks for all the reviews. This is the second part, still in Stephanie's point of view. The final part will be posted soon completing this short story. Hope you all enjoy. Note this is still high angst.

Disclaimer: Standard… JE owns

**Vanished**

Part 2

Four weeks and nothing had changed in my world. Except now I know time does not bring relief. Even for something you never really wanted.

_'Someone.'_ My thoughts corrected me

Someone I never wanted. I didn't want it, _her_, but I wanted the name, the name Selena.

It was such a pretty name.

_'Selena.'_

He put it on the marker for me. He put it on the marker of the empty grave. A grave for the child that never had a chance to breathe. My child. Our child.

_'Selena'_

Such a pretty name. The name I picked.

_'I picked it!' _

I whispered it over and over the 1st week after the accident. I dreamed it in the 3rd. I still dreamed it now.

_'Selena'_

No, time doesn't bring relief. I learned that the same way my mother did.

"His name would have been Justin." She said and I wished I'd know him.

"Your right honey. Time doesn't bring relief." She continued after a pause and then she lowered her skirt. There was his name tattoo across her hip. "This doesn't either, but it helps."

I stared at the design in awe. His name called to me! I reached to touch it as she backed away towards the door.

"Mom?"

"Get up."

Four hours later I still didn't have relief. But deep down I knew as I held my hip, I had something.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I can't sleep so I typed this part up and I'm putting it up now instead of Tuesday. Hope you like it.

Disclaimer: Standard

**Vanished**

Part3

My hip still stung days later but I embrace the pain. It was the first feeling I'd had in weeks.

She was with me now, carved into my very being until the day I would join her.

Walking through my house I had found that her room was still the same, still pink with mobiles and bears scattered around in a cluttered since of order. The rocking chair was still by the bed that she would never sleep in and the picture of Ranger was still on the dresser that she would never look at. But it was okay.

I sat in that rocking chair most of the night thinking about my life, her life. It had all seem so surreal to me. Now it was just my life. My unhappy life.

I was going to be happy with her, Selena in my life. I just know it. But now I couldn't change for her. I had to change for me. I _would_ change for me. I would change because I wanted to be happy. I wanted to be the person Selena deserved regardless of whether she was here or night.

_'For you and me baby.'_

That night as I lay in bed stroking her name I knew I was ready to let go. I was ready to face life again, even a life without Selena.

_'I'll be okay, Selena.'_

The next morning I left my house for the first time. The first time since the accident.

_'You won't vanish baby.'_ I thought as my hand reached for my hip. _'Never vanished from my mind.__ Never will I forget.'_

**The End**


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